


Not Like This

by Shaw



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Divergence - Kingdom Hearts III, Fuck-It, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Violence, Kairi Has Enough, Mentioned Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Mild Language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:34:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26624518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shaw/pseuds/Shaw
Summary: Sora comes back, except he doesn't, and who is there in his stead doesn't want to be there more than anyone else wants him there. But everybody is just going to have to deal with it.
Relationships: Kairi & Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Kairi & Vanitas (Kingdom Hearts), Naminé & Vanitas (Kingdom Hearts), Riku & Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Sora (Kingdom Hearts) & Everyone, Vanitas & Ventus (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 26
Kudos: 59





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off of an idea my friend threw at me!

_"Your heart is a prison, even if you are not the prisoner."_

When they found Sora it was where they had least expected to. He was right there, face down in the sand on Destiny Island. Most his clothes were in some state of tattered or missing and it was clear he'd been there for a second from his sun-burnt state but there he was. Nobody had ever seen Riku cry so hard before, not even Kairi. (Though in all fairness she was too busy crying as well.)

He didn't wake.

Not immediately at least. He wasn't dead though, just... Asleep. Deeply asleep. Aqua and Terra both agreed that it was much like when Ventus had first come to the Land of Departure. That he just needed time. He'd been through a lot no doubt. (A lot was an understatement.) Riku and Kairi hovered restlessly for days on end before Sora showed the first sign of stirring.

It was strange to say the least. The listless, darkened gaze. The empty expression. He would look without seeing and see without looking. Riku didn't take the lack of progress well but Kairi knew he would keep it together if only for her sake. She wished he wouldn't think her to be so fragile.

Kairi noticed it first. That something was off. Wrong.

When coherence finally started to dawn in Sora's eyes he seemed different somehow. He still struggled to walk on his own but had started to refuse Kairi and Riku's help alike. He'd stare at them, something about the way his face settled that made the two hesitant to come near him. They'd never been hesitant of Sora before. Never.

Even though he was awake now Sora only seemed to withdraw more. Donald and Goofy both came when Kairi gave them the clear and he barely even reacted beyond blinking in what almost seemed to be confusion. Donald put up a tough front, grumbling about Sora being a block head for forgetting them, but Kairi knew it was to keep from showing the hurt. From then on they put a stop on anymore people visiting Sora as they tried to figure out what they could do to get through to him.

He wouldn't speak, he wouldn't eat, he wouldn't drink.

The most they'd hear out of Sora was the occasional groan of pain, low and guttural as he rolled in his bed in the night fitfully. His cheeks sunk, his skin dulled. Kairi started to stop going near him at all, a hollow expression drawing on her face. Riku didn't say it aloud but he felt disdain towards her for abandoning Sora. Couldn't she see that he needed them both now more than ever?

Aqua and Terra were consulted again, this time with Ventus chiming in as well. They were all confused and worried about what Riku relayed to them, Terra insisting that they take Sora to a proper physician. Riku grew frustrated. Ventus grew suspicious.

Worse yet, Roxas and Xion had begun to ask questions. Why hadn't they been allowed to see Sora? He was awake still wasn't he? Why was everyone acting so weird about him? Riku couldn't hold against both of them, knew that if anyone deserved to know the situation it was them. (Roxas, especially, all things considered.) Riku wished he could say it went about how he'd expected; it went much worse.

It started well enough. Lea and Isa both escorted Xion and Roxas to Destiny Island despite the two being plenty capable enough to have come on their own. It was just how the group operated. Kairi seemed relieved for Lea and Xion's company and her mood immediately lifted from its formerly dismal state.

Roxas was practically ready to bounce off the walls, clearly more than excited to finally see Sora in person after so long waiting and wondering.

"What's the big idea, anyways?" Riku looked up, startled. Roxas had cornered him away from the others. He was smiling; Riku knew the look in his eyes though. Suspicion. Distrust. Even now? Riku wanted to scoff.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. Don't play dumb." Roxas' eyes narrowed. The corners of Riku's mouth drew into a grimace. 

"It's nothing, Roxas. Stop overthinking. Do you figure Kairi and I were just holding him hostage from you or something? We were all excited to see him, but he needed to rest. Besides, last I heard you were busy with school." He kept his voice level despite it all and Roxas merely sighed though his nose and shook his head. At least he was getting better at admitting they weren't always diametrically opposed, or whatever weird notion he had in that head of his.

"Fine. Whatever. Don't tell me. I guess I'll figure it out on my own, as usual." He couldn't help rolling his eyes at Roxas. His disagree-ability was at least distracting him from his worries.

"Can we see him now?" Xion interrupted, placing both hands on Roxas' shoulders and pushing herself up on his back. Riku's gaze flit to Kairi who's face had drained of color quite suddenly. Lea and Isa were both staring at him in a way that didn't make him all too comfortable either.

"Y... Yeah. Yeah, sure, come on." Xion shook Roxas in excitement and the blond couldn't help smiling. They'd been waiting for how long for this moment? He couldn't blame them for being giddy. Riku cast one last glance to Kairi and felt a shudder despite himself.

Roxas and Xion got ahead of Riku despite his best efforts, quickly figuring where he was leading them in the house and making a break for Sora's room. Xion had a tight hold on Isa's arm as she went and Riku briefly caught Isa's humorously hopeless expression. Still, Riku couldn't help but continue his internal pleading. To whom he didn't know, but all he wanted was for the door to open and Sora to be sitting up and smiling, giving them all a loud 'gotcha!' so they could all laugh at the joke together.

"Sora!" Roxas was first through the door, no surprise. It banged against the wall and even from behind the three Riku saw Sora jolt. He could feel Lea standing just behind him and knew exactly why the man tensed up. Roxas and Xion had both stopped dead in their tracks.

Riku moved around them carefully. As if nudging them would make them shatter. They were both just, standing there... Xion's face was contorted into something approaching dawning horror as she clung tightly to Isa's sleeve. He had placed his hand on hers, concern evident. Riku was more concerned about Roxas.

". . ." The silence was palpable. Roxas was just staring. Riku looked to Lea to find him already staring back. They both had a clear understanding that something was about to happen, they just couldn't tell what yet. Riku was just about to make an attempt to put himself between Roxas and Sora when some sort of cord snapped and Roxas went lunging forward.

Before Riku knew what was happening he took the full force of a swing from Oblivion's column straight to the chest. It knocked the wind out of him easily and he stumbled away in shock. Everything seemed to happen too quick to keep track of- Isa grabbed Xion and turned her away, Sora scrambled backward against the window vainly, and Lea leapt forward after Roxas. 

"Who the fuck are you!?"

To say Roxas sounded angry would be doing him disservice. He sounded furious. Oathkeeper's teeth sat pressed to Sora's neck hard enough to indent the skin and Roxas had one hand in his hair and a foot on his stomach. Before anyone could get their mouth open to ask him what in the fresh hell he was doing, Sora made the first noise Riku had heard from him in weeks.

He laughed. It was shrill, grating, and filled with fear. Kairi came into the room at that point and stopped at the sight before her. Sora clumsily grabbed at Oathkeeper, knuckles slowly tightening.

"What are you gonna do? Kill me?" Riku wanted to chalk up the croakish quality of Sora's voice to dehydration and malnutrition. He wanted to so badly. But there was something wrong about it, about how the words came out of his mouth. Like listening to someone speak with your voice. Something horrible started to creep up Riku's spine.

"Roxas, what are you doing!?" Kairi demanded. Nobody had yet to actually move. Even Lea, though he was in the perfect position to grab Roxas, had yet to do so. He was too busy staring at Sora.

"Shut up! Who are you? What are you doing in- in-" Roxas seemed to short circuit slightly. Riku noted the way his whole body shook with barely constrained violence as the teeth of the keyblade sunk in deeper. When crimson sprouted up around its edges Riku's mind went blank. He heard someone yell. By the time his mind caught back up with itself he had Roxas on the ground by the neck with one arm twisted around behind his back. He was bucking like a horse.

"Good fuckin' grief..." Lea seemed to be taking all of this astoundingly well. Either that or he was just a very good actor. A strange whine was coming from Sora now as he held his neck. The wound was shallow and easy to fix, but it could've easily not been.

"What?" Isa suddenly asked. Riku turned his attention that way as a strange silence fell.

"I said... that's not Sora." Xion's voice was small. Riku could see the gears whirring in Isa's head but had no time before Kairi gave a broken sob.

"I knew it. I knew it!..." The words played on repeat for a long moment, being processed by all those present in the room. Not Sora. That's not Sora. Riku took a deep breath in and held it. The flat of Lea's boot landed on his forearm and firmly pushed him off Roxas who had since gone limp under him.

"Alright. Alright. Okay, sure. Xion? What do you mean by that?" Riku wished Lea would shut up. He sat there on the floor for a second longer and he watched the man slowly pick Roxas up. He was crying. It was that strange, silent cry he'd seen the boy do before. Like he was trying so hard to bottle it up but it was spilling over anyways. Riku wasn't sure he was feeling anything right now.

"I- I don't know- It's not him. It's not him, I don't know who it is." That cleared up nothing for anyone. Riku pulled himself to his feet regardless and held out a trembling hand as he approached Sora. He was Sora. He had to be. Who else could he be?

"Please..." Was all he could get out, voice failing him. He felt like he'd swallowed a load of gravel or sand. Sora stared. He stared with that same blank expression he always did until Riku got nearly close enough to touch him, to heal his wounds. That was when he snarled. 

He stopped and took the expression in. The crease of his brow, the little snaggle to his right incisor, the way his nose scrunched. That was Sora's face. But it wasn't. Not in that moment. Riku suddenly felt like he was looking at a stranger.

"Please." He tried again. He heard Kairi say something but didn't understand it. "Let me fix it. Please."

He reached out, Sora pulled away. The snarl grew larger, an aggression emanating off of him that Riku knew couldn't be his. His finger shakily curled into his palm. Someone grabbed his arm. The world slowly blurred and in that moment Riku realized he had been crying all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing Fuck-It fics evidentially (where I make everything worse). Weird that they're always about Vanitas so far though... Oh well. Kudos appreciated but leave a comment and I'll become a Heartbinder summon! Anyways, thanks for reading, check out my other KH fanfics if you haven't already! Addio!


	2. Chapter 2

_"Empty Creature from Ventus riven, to you, I give the name..."_

It was all a blur for a while. He remembered waking, vaguely, but not much else. Lights, sounds, a sense of movement. He couldn't even be angry, couldn't even muster up the ability to despair that he was _alive again_ (if you could call the pitiful existence of his living). So he simply existed for some time until the fog started to clear.

What he noticed first was the lack of pain.

When had the agony stopped? When had it faded to nothing more than a dull ache in his chest? Manageable? No longer flooding him? He didn't know. It made him uncomfortable. He started to look at the things around him. Those stupid keykids from before... Why where they here? What was going on? He avoided looking at himself. His hands were wrong. The fingers shorter and covered in _skin_. He never had skin. Not like this at least. Not _normal_. Not _human_.

He quickly caught on to what was going on. He was foggy, not stupid. They called him Sora. He had a sinking suspicion he knew why, all things considered. He didn't correct them. He'd been there when Sora disappeared. He was always there, after all-- even after he was struck down, after Xehanort was finally defeated. (Served him right too, the old bastard. He only wished _he'd_ been the one to do it.)

None of it really helped to explain what was going on though.

It made him sick.

He spent his time in silence. He didn't want to speak. He had no reason to. He didn't know why he let them keep pretending he was someone he wasn't. It was almost an act of kindness and he didn't _do_ kindness. Maybe it was just a fluke. So he could reveal later it was all a ruse, make the wound really hurt. (That wasn't it.)

They brought the stupid duck and dog to the room. Why? He didn't even know who they were, really. Friends of Sora's? He could only presume. His chest felt nothing upon seeing them. Hollow as ever, he supposed, even in a different body. The girl, Kairi, started to distance herself. Good. Her gentleness and kindness was _sickening_. He hated it. He hated her.

But he felt nothing.

The other one, Riku? He knew of Riku. In a very abstract sense anyways. There had been... Some kind of Riku, that Xehanort had employed as a tool. He'd never actually paid too much attention to the logistics of that bastard's idiot plans. Had just been in it for himself. (For Ventus.) They acted totally different though. He supposed that made sense. This guy was stubborn as shit though. Sort of reminded him of himself, for what that mattered.

Riku told him something one day, that people were coming to see Sora. Well, see _him_ technically but he wasn't Sora. Far from it. He just stared at him. His body had long since started to hurt but he couldn't figure out why. His head was constantly pulsing, his abdomen clenching as if he'd been stabbed and his body was trying to heal around the weapon. He wasn't a stranger to pain, but it felt... Different somehow. If he had to pick a word to describe it, he'd pick _meatier_.

At least there were no Unversed spawning. (He wished they would. He desperately wanted _some_ way to deal with the pain.)

The voices were loud on his ears. Everything felt too much. He stayed as still as possible as he waited for whoever else he would surely disappoint. When they entered, he felt the first tendrils of anger creep back around his throat.

It was _him_. That fucking idiot that looked so much like Ventus. He could tell the difference immediately; it was clear as day that he wasn't _actually_ Ventus. Anybody with eyes could see that. His anger quickly dissipated as he took in the blond's rapidly changing expression. The other one, the puppet, had the same look on its face.

 _They could tell_.

Of course they could tell. Of course this was how it all came crashing down. Weeks, if not months of hiding in plain sight and it was _this_ asshole that found him out. Unfortunately, none of this prepared him for when the little shit lunged at him and put a keyblade to his neck. He wasn't even sure if he could still summon his own keyblade. If he even _wanted_ to. Sharp pin pricks penetrated through the already constant hazy pain he had been wallowing in.

"Who the fuck are you!?" His hand didn't obey him at first and he clumsily managed to grip the shaft of the keyblade. He found it hard to even get his fingers to obey the command to close.

"What are _you_ gonna do? Kill me?" The voice that came out of him wasn't right. It wasn't _his_ but it sure wasn't Sora's. He'd heard Sora's voice plenty of times. Knew how it sounded. This was like some gross mockery. (He supposed that was exactly what it was.)

The situation escalated immediately to nobody's surprise.

Riku had Roxas on the floor and that idiot with the scar was shielding away the puppet like it could actually feel or something. The moronic redhead was trying to diffuse the situation but Kairi was too busy crying (again).

"I- I don't know- It's not him. It's not him, I don't know who it is." So they didn't know who he was, just that he wasn't Sora. He didn't care that they didn't know. His mind was preoccupied with the wound that had been left. It fucking _hurt_. He'd reminded himself before he was no stranger to pain, but for some reason he couldn't help the whines that kept bubbling out of him. It was embarrassing. He wanted everybody gone. He wanted them dead. (No. No. That wouldn't make it better. That wouldn't help his situation.)

"Please..." Riku was coming towards him. He was getting closer than he'd dared to do so in a while. At least since he'd finally become cognizant and started to push him and Kairi away. He didn't want their _pity_. Their sorrow meant nothing to him.

"Please." Riku tried again. He could feel his face twisting with a warning. "Let me fix it. Please."

The moron tried to touch him, really thought he could just lay hands on him. Fat chance. It was around then that Riku began to cry.

And for the first time, Vanitas felt something approaching guilt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, part two! Don't forget to leave a comment if you've already left kudos! It helps ease along the writing process even if you're just key-smashing or something. Encouragement is encouragement after all! Thanks for reading, addio!


	3. Chapter 3

Being found out had some benefits.

For example, Vanitas no longer had to deal with Riku and Kairi trying to take care of him like some kind of doll. They left him alone to his own devices. That didn't actually mean he _did_ anything. Every day he felt more and more like a rock that was starting to crumble to pebbles. And he wasn't even one for similes. Similes were for suckers.

One day Kairi brought someone else into the room. Vanitas had long since figured they were just going to leave him in here to rot away. (That's what it felt like he was doing. Rotting away from the inside out, as if he were nothing more than a corpse.) He didn't recognize her at all but she had a... peculiar way about her. Her stare too wide, her movement too fidgety.

"Can you, I don't know. I don't know." Kairi sounded like she was fighting back tears again. Vanitas wished she'd just cry and get it over with. The girl, who Vanitas had decided he didn't like (already), moved a little closer and then stopped as if she'd run into a wall. It nearly managed to make him laugh.

"Oh- I-" She shuddered violently and reached up to grab her head as if she'd been struck. Kairi moved closer to her and worriedly set a hand on her arm.

"Namine? Are you alright? I- I shouldn't have asked you to do this, I'm so sorry, let's just-"

"No, no, I'm... I'm fine. You were right, this... _isn't_ Sora." Namine? What kind of name was that? Vanitas curled away into the corner of the bed he'd backed himself into and stared at her harder. Maybe if he stared hard enough she'd go away. (He didn't have the energy for anything more effective anyways.)

"It... He really isn't? He really isn't Sora? You're sure? This isn't just... Just, memory blockage or..." Namine slowly shook her head and shrugged Kairi's hand off. She took another small step closer, and then another. Vanitas managed a warning grumble and she stopped. She was hard to look it. The bright white of her jacket made his head throb.

"You... You're Vanitas, right?" Kairi's expression immediately became alarmed and she reached out as if to pull Namine away. Namine merely raised a hand, not even bothering to look back at Kairi. The redhead stopped and stared at her as if she'd sprouted a third leg.

"It's okay. I don't know what that means. Not really. Do you know why you're in Sora's body?..." Namine's voice was thin and willowy, like listening to the wind sheer off the dead leaves of a dried up tree. Vanitas found her tone annoying but he supposed he preferred her quiet hush to all the others. It didn't make his head feel like it was going to crack open. (And he'd had that happen before. He knew how it felt.)

". . . No." His answer came out a croak, the word sticky in his mouth and almost refusing to come off his tongue.

"Namine, let me get Riku, this isn't--"

"No. It's _fine_ , Kairi." Kairi's face twisted as she finally looked at Vanitas only to look away almost immediately. He could tell she was sickened. Good. (That was what he was used to.)

"Vanitas?" Namine's questioning tone managed to get Vanitas to look away the middle distance. It was so hard to _focus_. If he weren't feeling so weak he'd be ripping this stupid place to shreds in frustration. "I'm Namine."

She smiled at him then and something inside him _thrummed_. It made something twist into a knot and he nearly gagged around the swell. What the fuck was _that_? Namine inclined her head slightly in questioning before looking back to Kairi at last.

"What were you saying before?"

"Namine, if that's- if that's-- We need to tell Terra. Or Aqua! Ventus, Ventus will know what-- No, none of this makes sense!" None of what Kairi said seemed to bother Namine a single bit as she turned back to Vanitas.

"You must not be feeling well. I know how that is. When I first got my new body, I didn't know what to do with it." Vanitas was actually _trying_ to listen now but Kairi's words had sent his blood racing and that only served to make the pounding in his ears worse.

"Did you know you need to eat? Food? I didn't. I never had to before." Food? What? What was this girl going _on_ about? Vanitas' little patience was already wearing thin. He wanted her to go away. Go bother some other poor shmuck.

"You should try it sometime though. Eating. It's really weird. I'd say start with drinking first. I like drinking water the most, but juices are really good too." Namine perked up suddenly. She turned around to face the door just as Riku pushed it open and stuck his head in. Vanitas was pretty sure he made a face at him.

"Hi Riku! What is it?" Kairi, despite her earlier clamoring to tell everybody about the fact it was _Vanitas_ in Sora's body, kept her mouth blissfully shut.

"I just... heard, people. Came to check. What are you doing here, Namine?"

"Hm? Kairi brought me over. To see him. He's nice. Good listener." What the fuck? Nice? Excuse you? Vanitas managed a sneer and nothing else. Riku saw said sneer and looked at Namine in evident confusion.

"O...kay. Kairi, I wished you'd asked me about bringing Namine." Kairi didn't say anything to that either. "But, whatever. Do you know who... it is?"

"Oh, no, not really. I mean, I do, but I don't. It's not like he introduced himself to me." Kairi was chewing on her lip. Riku's eyes had narrowed. Namine just rocked on her heels. Vanitas had decided he didn't care enough to actually watch this and had buried his face in his hands. Or, what wasn't his face into what wasn't his hands. Whatever. Semantics.

"How... delightfully vague, Namine. So are you not going to tell me? Is that it?" Namine laughed now.

"Well, don't you want to meet him yourself? I think it's not fair if I tell you his name! But, I do think he really needs to drink something. You might need to show him though."

"Wait what?" The sound of departing footsteps. The room was suddenly blissfully empty. Vanitas looked up slowly through squinted eyes. Food... Drink. Yeah, he wasn't a moron. He knew what they were. But he'd never actually needed to... well. Eat. Or drink. He wasn't human. (Except he was now, wasn't he? Against his own will.)

Was that it then? He felt like garbage because he was _hungry?_ Because he was _thirsty?_ What a load of shit. What kind of weak, stupid body was this that it would become inoperable just because of something as mundane and trivial as food and water?

Vanitas slowly uncurled one leg only to stop almost immediately as all the muscles locked up. He let out an audible hiss and moved to clench at the limb tightly. It only made the pain worse to press down on it but at least then he was in _control_ of the pain. When it finally passed he just had to repeat the process with the other leg. He'd been sitting there crouched for too long...

He knew where the kitchen was. That was where he could find... food. and water. He was pretty sure of that at least.

The problem was getting there.

Vanitas couldn't even muster it up to push himself out of bed and to his feet. He stared at his bare toes for a while, mildly disturbed with their appearance. Did everyone's feet just look this weird? He couldn't remember ever really seeing his own feet. Or maybe he just never paid attention to that, since taking off his boots was never a thing he needed to do.

Stupid. Stupid thoughts. Waste of time.

With the wild abandon of a man with nothing left to lose, he pushed himself out of bed.

And directly onto the floor.

Why weren't his stupid limbs _working_. Why!? It was so fucking simple! Just, get up! Get up, damn it! Vanitas sat there in a pile on the the floor for who knew how fucking long, cursing existence, cursing Xehanort, cursing Sora, cursing Ventus (because why not?), and cursing any one else he could think of while he was at it.

Eventually, someone came back into the room and picked his sorry ass off the ground. Of course it was _Riku_ because go fucking figure it was Riku. Vanitas half wanted to try and bite him when he grabbed him. Just leave him on the floor, it was _fine_. He didn't need to be in a bed. He'd spent his entire existence with less comforts. He'd manage with the floor.

Of course he didn't say any of this.

So back in bed he went. And stare at the ceiling in silent fury he did. He'd try again. Later. He needed to conserve his waning strength for now. His jumbled thoughts went back to Namine in that moment. What was her deal? Had the others not told her all about him? Their own personal boogeyman, even with Xehanort dead and gone? Or was he just _that_ inconsequential to their pathetic lives. (And if so, what did that make him?)

The familiar feeling of self-hatred started to rumble inside Vanitas' chest. He took a hold of it like a comfort. Finally, something familiar. Something that was _his_ in this mess of a situation. Black spots danced in his vision as he lay there prone. He watched them bounce around before they overtook him completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More yay! Part three is here! I dont have a set number of parts in my head yet but I do kinda know where I want to leave this off so I think it's just the act of GETTING to that... That's okay though! But Namine is here now! For those wondering when the Wayfinder Trio will actually make a proper appearance don't worry... Soon. 
> 
> Make sure to leave a comment if ya haven't already and hit the kudos button if ya liked what ya read! Remember, just because I can see the view counter go up doesn't mean I know if you liked it or not! Thanks for reading, addio!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING: Mention of vomit and the act of vomiting.

_"-- But, I do think he really needs to drink something. You might need to show him though."_

When morning came Kairi was already awake. She hadn't slept at all. Too busy thinking. About Sora, about what Namine had said, about how any of this was happening, about how that was _Vanitas_ of _all_ the rotten people to-- No. Calm.

Blinking, Kairi realized the first rays of dawn were starting to peek through the windows. Her thoughts emptied for a moment as she watched the thin tendrils of light creep in. It was a new day. She just needed to get through it. She'd take whatever happened as it happened. Then the day would begin again anew, and she'd just need to make it through that one.

She quietly got up and righted her pajamas before exiting her room.

Sora's room was silent. Dark. She nudged the door open slowly to find Vanitas already staring back. He was a ghastly sight nowadays. _You might need to show him how_. Namine had said something to him about eating, how she didn't have to once but now did. Kairi wasn't sure she got how they just didn't need to eat but she did know _Sora_ needed to eat.

"Hey." She greeted blandly. Vanitas said nothing back. Kairi felt her mouth twist slightly but didn't push it. She didn't... really know Vanitas. She knew he was bad. That he hurt people. That was about the extent though. She knew Ventus didn't like talking about him, and that apparently Namine thought he was nice. What Kairi knew for sure is he was in a body that he had no right to be in.

This was probably dangerous to do. Vanitas could have been feigning weakness this whole time. (Except no, he wouldn't, would he. Riku had told her about finding him on the floor in a heap. He couldn't even walk anymore.) She paced to the bed and held out a hand to him bluntly. She wasn't going to play gentle with him.

"Come on. You need to get up." Sora's face twisted with emotions Kairi had never seen him express before. (Stop it, stop doing that to him. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair.) Kairi shook her hand slightly impatiently.

"You're going to kill him if you don't get up. I'm not going to let you do that." Vanitas slowly, reluctantly, started to reach back out. Kairi was pretty sure she'd had an easier time getting feral cats to cooperate with her. Eventually she got a grip on him and slowly began to pull him out of bed.

He was lighter now. It made sense, since he'd been sitting in bed starving to death. She and Riku had taken turns casting cure to halt some of the worse symptoms but even that couldn't stop the weight loss. Well, she was determined to put the meat back on his bones. (You might need to show him how.) However she needed to do that.

Vanitas made a vain effort to try and stand on his own, which he did manage for a second before he tried to take a step and his leg seemed to give out. Kairi caught him rather easily and held on despite his trying to pull away from her.

"Don't be stupid, okay? You can't walk on your own. Just let me help you and we can get this over with faster. Got it?" She thought she heard him grumble something; She didn't pay it any heed.

The walk to the kitchen was long. Longer than any walk ever possibly. Kairi managed though and plopped Sora down in a chair at the table. She stared at him for a bit afterwards. He looked like he was going to be sick. Well, he was sick, but... Sicker? She shook her head and went to go make herself breakfast.

She didn't really feel like cooking but she knew she couldn't just shove whatever at him and expect good results. So scrambled eggs, toast, and orange juice it was. When it was all done she set two plates down and watched Vanitas for a second. He watched her back.

"Well?" She asked.

He didn't answer. He never did.

He made no move until she did, when she picked up her fork with a sigh. He clumsily repeated the action, holding the utensil a bit like a child might. Kairi stared. _She might have to show him how._ With a small grimace she turned her attention to her food and slowly, painstakingly started to load her fork with eggs. She could heard Vanitas attempt to replicate the motion, fork scratching against the plate unpleasantly. She almost wanted to tell him to watch it; he'd ruin the plate.

Despite the fact she wasn't all that hungry herself, Kairi tried to eat as purposefully as possible. When she dared to sneak a glance at Vanitas she saw he had a mouthful of food but was just sort of... holding it. He was making quite the face too. Somewhere between disgruntled and confused. It was the closest she'd seen him to actually looking like Sora. If it hadn't been so sad she might've smiled.

"You have to swallow it." She murmured. Blue eyes snapped to her immediately with a glare. She heard the sound of him struggling to swallow followed by heavy, dry coughing. She set her fork down and watched him carefully. He didn't seem to be choking...

It was then that he immediately turned, leaned, and vomited onto the floor.

Kairi jumped from her seat in surprise, a couple choice words flying from her mouth. She had to make quick to grab him before he fell into his own barf, since that was exactly what he was doing with leaning over so quickly.

"Okay. Okay. Maybe solids weren't a good idea. Are you okay?" Most of what Vanitas had barfed was stomach acid as was, and he looked like he might gag again too. Kairi would prefer he didn't since she was now in the line of fire and having to go wash bile off of herself wasn't high on the list of priorities for the day.

He didn't answer and that was as much as Kairi expected. She didn't mind, because at least he wasn't barfing still and that was sign enough that he was alright. A short, firm pat was given to his back as he simply sat with his mouth open with a look of sheer anguish.

"I'll... clean this up. Just sit there okay. Maybe try drinking-- Actually, before you do that, I'm going to get you a straw. I'd rather you not spill orange juice all over yourself." Talking was making this easier. Kairi was doing it more for herself than Vanitas but part of her hoped he got... _something_ out of it.

Off track. Mop and bucket, clean up the vomit.

It was quick work to clean up; Kairi removed Vanitas plate and left him with just the orange juice. She dropped a straw into it before sitting back down and trying to find her appetite. It was hard to want to eat after cleaning up vomit, especially since she wasn't very hungry to begin with.

She took a sip of her own drink instead and watched Vanitas try to figure out the straw. He seemed to get it eventually, but judging from his poorly repressed coughing he might've inhaled it rather than drank it. Sighing through her nose, Kairi closed her eyes.

This was going to a be a very laborious process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! Chapter four! Kairi's time to shine. She's trying her best but this is all very awful for her as you could imagine. She's going to try though. Because she's a good person and also that's still Sora's body. 
> 
> Don't forget to leave a comment, drop kudos if ya haven't, and thanks for reading! See ya next chapter, addio!


	5. Chapter 5

Riku wasn't taking things well.

That was clear to literally everyone. What had happened that day in Sora's bedroom had a pronounced effect on him. He spent a lot of his time now pouring over data or training. Anything that would take his mind off of things. He'd tried to take it out on the training equipment in Land of Departure but had been forced to find alternative means after he broke his _second_ piece of equipment and got an earful about it from Aqua. Similar reprimands had been faced when he nearly fried Cid's computer from his continued use of it.

In the end he found the one person coping just as badly as he was: Roxas.

"You're thinking again." Oathkeeper whistled past Riku's ear, purposefully missing him as Roxas brought Oblivion around for another strike. Riku parried the move away with ease, sparks flying off of Braveheart as he did so.

"That obvious?"

"Yeah, you're getting sloppy." And with a simple sweep, Roxas knocked his feet out from under him. Riku only just managed to catch himself and rolled with the motion to get back up. He stood there still and watched Roxas warily. They'd never been the best at... talking to each other. Better now, of course, but there was still a lot to unpack and neither of them was one to ignore the elephant in the room.

"Right... Sorry. It's just..."

"Before you keep running your mouth," Roxas started. Riku watched him flip his hair out of his face only for it to find its way back down into his eyes insistently. "Consider if you _really_ want to talk about it. Your next moves are going to determine how hard I beat your ass so choose wisely."

"You're insufferable sometimes, Roxas." Riku couldn't help the edge to his tone. He didn't mean it quite so harshly. Just that Roxas really did have a way of getting under his skin sometimes. Like a thorn, or shrapnel. Riku was left digging to try and get it out. The blond merely shrugged him off and fixed him in a stare.

"How did you know? For sure. I know you'd never act like that if you _weren't_ sure..." The full body shudder was evident and Riku prepared for Roxas to either shut down or explode. Instead, his shoulders fell.

"I guess, really, is how did you not, Riku?" And there it was again, lodging under his skin. Riku's grip tightened on his keyblade as he looked to the ground.

"That's not an answer... but I guess I don't have one for you either."

"Can I go back to kicking your ass now?" Roxas asked bluntly. Riku raised his gaze with a sharp comeback on his tongue but faltered when he saw Roxas' expression. He'd changed a lot since truly becoming his own person; he had this particular face he'd make when it was obvious he wasn't okay. Riku had seen a couple times now though usually only when Roxas had gotten hurt during training.

"Maybe... we should take a break. After all, my ass can only take so much beating right?" It was an attempt at a joke but Roxas merely turned his back on Riku immediately and stalked off. Dismissing Braveheart, Riku followed after him at a slower pace.

They were silent for a long time. Roxas was holding onto his keyblades still, like somehow they'd bring him some kind of comfort. Riku had shoved his hands in his pockets and kept his gaze raised towards the horizon line.

"You know, I don't agree to this to talk to you." That got a laugh out of him. Riku looked to find Roxas staring at him. His eyes were still a bit glossy, but he didn't seem like he was on the verge of tears like before. Riku wasn't sure what he would-- _could_ \--do if Roxas started to cry on him.

"Yeah. I know. And normally, I appreciate that. Trust me."

"Then why now?" Riku hummed tunelessly at the question. Why now? That was fair to ask. He thought over it for a while and kicked along a rock in his path.

"Namine knows who it is... and I think Kairi does as well. Neither of them is telling me though. I guess, I figured that if you could tell immediately it wasn't him that you would at least have an idea who it was."

"Wow," Roxas half-snorted. "I didn't know you held me in such high esteems, Riku. I'm flattered, really."

"Come on! I'm being serious, you know."

Roxas looked away again. His keyblades dissipated in shadow and light respectively as he folded his arms tightly over his chest. Another silence lapsed between them as they continued to walk. At some point Riku accidentally kicked the rock he was messing with into Roxas' path and half expected it to be punted away-- instead Roxas nudged it back to him wordlessly.

"I'm pretty much in the dark too. I don't know who he is. Just that when he saw me... he looked, so... _hateful_." Riku caught the warble in his voice and took a measured breath. He hadn't really seen how it all played out, when Roxas first entered the room. Hate? He couldn't imagine. Sure, Sora had looked confused or disinterested but he'd never looked at him with _hate_.

"I see..." His throat felt tight. No wonder Roxas knew so immediately then. Why he blew up the way he did.

"Yeah." Was all the blond had to say in return. Riku took one hand out of his pocket to... he didn't know. Pat him? He second guessed himself as he went to do so. They weren't really on pat terms were they? Well, too late now. One awkward pat on the back later and Roxas was fixing Riku with a wry glance.

"Did you have anymore depressing questions to ask me, or can we go back to bruising each other up?"

"That eager? Really? We were having a nice moment there, you know. Really vulnerable."

"Eugh, I know, it was gross. Being vulnerable with you is like pulling teeth." Riku scoffed, but only to hide the surprised laugh that nearly came from him.

"Yeah? I could say the same to you, you know." The incredulous expression Roxas sported cracked Riku finally and he actually managed a tired smile for the first time in what felt like forever. Roxas' face then proceeded to scrunch up but Riku could tell it was because was fighting off his own smile.

"Unbelievable. You know, at least I have an excuse. I guess it isn't the time for excuses though..."

"Never is, Roxas."

Another long silence. They ceased their aimless walking and instead took seats on the ground, an appropriate distance away from each other of course. Roxas sat with his knees pulled up under his chin; Riku hugged one leg and let the other stretch. The sun was still rather high but had started its descent downward.

"What are we going to do now?" Something about how small Roxas' voice was when he finally spoke again made Riku's heart skip slightly. He knew better than to make eye contact then and there. Instead he stared harder at the sky and the few clouds that dotted it.

"I don't know. It doesn't feel real. None of it does. How we could have spent so much time looking only for..."

". . ."

This wasn't a conversation either of them wanted. Riku's jaw tightened. He couldn't say it. Had been avoiding thinking it. What he knew was the truth. He was scared of it. Scared of what it meant. For him. For Kairi. For everyone.

"Riku?" He still couldn't bring himself to look. He'd heard Roxas sniffle as quietly as possible and knew better. He was fighting off the own sting in his eyes and chest. He still managed to hum back an acknowledgement.

"I... Want to try again. Maybe we can figure out some answers." We. Riku wanted to point out that when did it become _we_ but knew better. Even if it was jokingly. He tipped his head back in some vain attempt to keep the tears back.

"Yeah. Sure. Better than whatever we've been doing."

"Kicking each other around, you mean. Being brats. Wasting time."

"You just want to hear me fess up to being a brat. Better luck next time." He'd never been so relieved to hear Roxas laugh before.

There wasn't much else that the two felt needed to be said in that time. So instead they both got up, dusted themselves off, and left. Roxas had been right. They needed to get answers. (Even if they hurt.) Even if they hurt, Riku assured himself.

The house was quiet when they arrived. It made Riku's heart drop despite the fact he _should_ be used to it by now. Roxas stayed half a step behind him, nearly bumping into Riku when he abruptly stopped in the kitchen.

"Did you, maybe, want to stop and eat something first?" Roxas held Riku's gaze with a searching stare, head cocked slightly. Riku gave a thin, pressed smile. Was he that obvious? Of course he was. Roxas didn't say anything, thankfully. He merely grabbed an apple from the basket on the counter and took a seat at the kitchen table with a soft huff. Riku had never been so glad to have recently gone grocery shopping.

"Kairi has been working with him lately... I think whatever Namine said to her, when she came over, changed her mind about something. She'd been... avoiding him. For a while." Riku grabbed an apple for himself and tossed it back and forth absently. He wasn't actually hungry. He should've been, but stepping inside had made his stomach clench up too much to stomach food.

"Mm." Was Roxas' answer, mouth full of apple in the moment. Riku found himself staring in the direction of Sora's room and promptly forced himself to look at Roxas instead. The blond jumped slightly at the sudden eye contact.

"What's with you? Do I have something on my face?"

"No- no, you don't. Sorry." Despite what Riku said he caught Roxas wiping at his face out of the corner of his eye. They both ate in silence from there until they couldn't pretend to chew on the cores of their apples anymore. Now or never.

Riku almost wanted to ask Roxas if he was sure but held his tongue. It wasn't _Roxas_ that was unsure. Not in this case. Side by side, they walked the hallway to Sora's room. How come this felt like the most nervewracking thing Riku had ever done? This, of all things? Roxas went to open the door before faltering, hand hovering. Riku watched the way his fingers shook and curled, took a deep breath, and opened the door himself.

Not-Sora was awake. Riku wasn't sure he slept anymore. At least, Riku hadn't seen him do so. Not since he woke up the first time. Roxas has shrunken slightly beside him and Riku fought off the immediate instinct to wrap an arm around him.

"We're here to ask you a few questions. Think you can answer them?" Not-Sora's gaze was locked on Roxas and Riku understood now what he meant by _hateful_. The malice was clear as day. He'd never seen Sora make an expression like that. Not ever. Even when they'd faced off against Xehanort, Sora had never looked at him with hate like this.

". . ." The silence was answer enough. Riku walked and pulled out the chair from the desk in the room and took a seat. Roxas put himself just behind him and stayed standing.

"At least Namine didn't lie about that. You sure are good at listening. Not very good at answering though." Sora's gaze finally tore, almost reluctantly, from Roxas and landed on Riku. The hatred had dimmed but he could sense annoyance. (Get on with it, the look said.)

"I know you can talk. There's no use in not doing so now."

"Don't want to." He rasped. Riku couldn't suppress the shiver that overtook him. It sounded so... _wrong_. So close to Sora but miles apart. He half wanted to check on Roxas, look over his shoulder to see if he was as unnerved by the uncanniness of it. He resisted that urge.

"Too bad." Roxas inserted. Immediately Sora's face warped into a horrible snarl, and it felt like being slapped in the face.

" _Shut up_." Not-Sora hissed. Riku could practically hear the 'Make me!' that Roxas would have usually supplied but instead silence echoed in his ears.

"Don't talk to him like that." Was what Riku could muster up, his own voice sounding low and dangerous. It was foreign. Was he really threatening Sora? No, he wasn't. Because- Because this wasn't-

"Who are you? Really? And how did you get in Sora's body?"

Not-Sora didn't respond. Not for some time. He seemed to space out, even, lost in thought. Riku would have thought it was a play to not have to answer if he hadn't spent so much time studying this stranger's mannerisms. Trying so desperately to fit these new actions and tics and quirks into his perception of his friend.

"My name... is Vanitas."

Every muscle in Riku's body tensed up at once. No. No, no, no. That couldn't be. But how? _How?_ He felt Roxas grab the back of the chair as if to steady himself, found himself clinging on to the feeling of the blond's knuckles against his back to try and anchor his thoughts.

"I'm only going to ask you one more time. _How did you get in Sora's body?_ " Vanitas sighed.

"What... makes you think, that I know?" His words were slow. Thought out, it seemed. He sounded tired. Riku had to make note to withold his sympathies in the moment.

"How do you just not know?" Roxas demanded. "People don't end up in other's bodies by _accident_." Riku could see Vanitas working Sora's mouth around another horrible expression and snapped his fingers to get his attention instead. The less caustic glares sent Roxas' way the better Riku was going to sleep tonight.

"You have to have _some_ clue as to why you're in his body."

Vanitas scoffed.

"You act... as if I, _want_ to be in it. Like I had... any choice." A short, harsh laugh came from Vanitas that was quickly followed by soft wheezing.

"Do you know... where the parts, of a heart, unwanted, unneeded... go?" Vanitas suddenly asked. Riku stared at him, heart fluttering against his ribs. What was this question about? He wasn't talking about Sora right now, was he?

"No..." Roxas answer, slowly. Vanitas laughed again, darker this time, more sinister.

"They drift... float, until they're _shackled_." Riku and Roxas were both quiet at this. Riku was pretty sure Roxas didn't know anymore about what Vanitas was talking about than he did... but...

"I have been shackled... from the day, of my _miserable_ creation..." Vanitas continued. "And... when one hand dropped the chain... another, replaced it."

"What does that have to do with Sora?" Roxas questioned. Riku could hear frustration boiling in his words; he thought he understood what Vanitas was saying. He didn't like it though.

"Ha... you, you of all... people, should understand. Shouldn't you? Roxas." Riku could practically feel the way Roxas recoiled at the way Vanitas said his name, but he knew it was more than that. It was the implications of what Vanitas had just said. Placing himself and Roxas in some category together, one that Riku didn't know the name or meaning of.

Vanitas wheezed again and curled in on himself, shaking. Riku hated to see him like this. He just wanted Sora to be okay. Wanted him to stop being in pain.

"You... You don't get to talk about him like that. That was different. That was..." Roxas seemed to be more talking to himself than Vanitas, voice trailing off. Riku wasn't surprised to hear Roxas make a sudden and quick exit of the room. Riku would need to ask later, what Vanitas had meant. For now he simply sat and watched.

"You and I... Aren't done yet." He said finally. Vanitas raised his gaze to look at Riku. There was a sort of hollow apathy to the way he stared at him. Like he couldn't even muster the prior annoyance he'd felt towards Riku.

"What happened to him. To Sora." The way Vanitas' expression twisted made Riku's heart drop into his stomach.

"Gone." He said simply.

"To where."

"You know where." Vanitas sniped back, tone irritated but voice strangely tight. Riku felt like he suddenly existed about three degrees left of where he previously had. Slightly disorientated, he stood and swayed.

"It's no mystery... that, we all go. In the end. If we're lucky."

"Shut up," Riku managed. "Shut up."

He couldn't stand to be in the same room as Vanitas anymore. To see Sora's face and know that it would _never_ be Sora's. Not ever again. Riku stumbled his way from the room, closing the door too hard. Roxas was sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands, not even stirring at the way the house shook when Riku slammed the door.

Riku made his way to Roxas, legs feeling like gelatin.

He reached out, faltered, hesitated. Then let his hand fall to Roxas shoulder. He was warm. Something real and tangible to hold onto as Riku's whole world seemed to spin out of control. Roxas looked up after a moment, face wet with tears again. He seemed slightly dazed. Riku figured he must have a similar expression on his face and took a heavy seat at Roxas' side.

"He's gone." Roxas said hollowly. "He's gone for good, isn't he. That's why. That's why Vanitas... Because he was the only thing left..." Riku didn't even realized he was still holding on to Roxas, knuckles paling with how tight his grip was.

". . ." Riku couldn't find his voice. How the _fuck_ was he supposed to tell Kairi? Did she already know? Had she already had this soul crushing realization and Riku had just been too blind to see it? Had he left her suffer alone? What about the others? Xion? Ventus? Axel and Terra and Aqua? Donald? Goofy? Mickey? Who was going to tell them all that- that-

That Sora was dead.

"Riku?" Roxas' hand found his and pried it off his shoulder; he didn't let go. Riku stared at their hands clasped together and blinked. How long... had he been crying?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah... Yeah. This seems about right! Anyways, if you made it this far I congratulate you on your will of steel because this was hard to even write. I can't imagine reading it! If you liked what you read, or otherwise didn't but still want me to know that you want me dead, just scream in the comments! If you haven't yet dropped kudos, how about now that I've probably ripped your heart out anyways? 
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone whose already left comments and kudos, and I'll see you next chapter when we finally get to see the Wayfinders! Addio!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING: Suicide idealization & a VERY angry Kairi.

It was Kairi that told Ventus.

She had pulled him aside just after training with Aqua, Terra, and Lea. He'd gone so cold in that moment he could've sworn he'd been frozen solid. A war of emotions had erupted in him in that moment. Pain, grief, understanding, joy, anguish. It felt so selfish in the moment to say that _relief_ had been what he felt the most of.

Ventus had kept it on the down low that Vanitas had been with him since he'd been 'killed' again. He'd chalked it up to the fact that Vanitas was technically trying to go back where he belonged; The space he fit in Ventus' heart had long since been filled in and thus he was left a literal shadow of himself. When he'd suddenly just... disappeared, it had... _scared_ Ventus. He hadn't known what it meant.

He did now.

Lea had chipperly asked Kairi what she'd said to Ventus, joking if it was too private to share with the rest of the class. When Kairi had actually bristled at Lea things got a bit awkward. Ventus didn't want to be caught in the middle of that. He needed that like he needed teeth pulled. He'd lightly smoothed it over by telling Lea that it was just about Kairi returning something she'd borrowed. He hated the sickened look that crossed the girl's face.

He touched down early. Too early even. He'd been forced to kill some time just wandering around trying to figure out what exactly he felt about the situation. Angry? He was angry. Angry that Sora was really, truly _gone_ and there was nothing more any of them could do about it. Sad that after everything Sora had done for them they hadn't been able to do a single thing for him. Anxious about the fact he was only now learning that Vanitas hadn't ceased to exist, that he'd been in the least likely place this whole time.

Ventus eventually resigned himself to sitting down on the stoop of the home Kairi and Riku had claimed for Sora's road to recovery.

He thought back on all the times Riku had relayed such troubling news, re-framing it in his mind to fit this new revelation. It made a lot more sense this way, didn't it? He remembered his small talks with Vanitas as they sat in the shade or dark together. About his lack of humanity in more ways than one. How he never ate, or slept. Ventus could still remember the absolute _shock_ he'd felt upon Vanitas telling him that what he'd thought was a suit was just Vanitas' skin. He still couldn't suppress a slight shudder at the thought.

The time came soon enough that Ventus could actually go into the house without it being considered breaking and entering.

Riku had been strangely absent, though upon further thought, Ventus realized it wasn't strange at all. Kairi looked like she hadn't slept again; She told Ventus to stay in the kitchen while she got him. Ventus noted silently that she wouldn't call him by his name.

Vanitas had... looked better. Sora had too for that matter. Ventus could feel his heart immediately stretch in his presence, trying to reach out, and knew immediately that this couldn't be anyone _but_ Vanitas. He wished he'd been able to come sooner.

Kairi seemed startled at how alert Vanitas became once in Ventus' presence. She chastised him, telling him to sit still and stay where he was while she got his food ready. He'd hardly listened to her, leaned over and fixing Ventus with a stare that was way too intense for Sora's face.

"Hey." Ventus said, trying to not sound too excited. He could feel his pulse thudding away like a bass line. It always had when Vanitas was around, though this time it wasn't from anger or fear. Just pure adrenaline.

". . ." Vanitas didn't answer at first, merely blinked. Ventus watched his expression flicker through several emotions before returning to something neutral. He couldn't help smiling slightly. He wondered if Vanitas was aware of his face giving him away or not.

"He still doesn't like to talk much." Kairi explained. "But, I guess, if he'd talk to anybody..." Ventus tried not to take the venom in her tone personally. He understood all too well what it was like, having your friend right there but only in appearance. He'd experienced it first hand.

"That's okay. I'm not sure what... to talk about right now anyways. Is he eating solids again?"

"Not quite... He didn't eat for so long. Xion told me she hadn't been able to stand eating solids at first, that it had felt too weird going down."

"Well, he can't eat like a baby forever."

" _Shut up, moron_." Vanitas growled lowly.

"Ha! Good morning to you too, Vanitas." Ventus had never been so happy to have someone call him a moron. Kairi sighed exasperatedly.

"What did I tell you about being rude?" Vanitas _almost_ looked like he cared about Kairi's reprimand. Ventus watched as she set down a breakfast smoothie with a straw in front of him before returning to making her own food.

"You know, I've never seen someone drink angrily before."

"He manages somehow." Vanitas looked like he wanted to say something but was too busy drinking his breakfast to do so. Ventus felt silly; he could _feel_ the fond look on his face. It made him feel guilty, to be so... happy, to see Vanitas just. Doing things. Especially with Kairi right there. He schooled his expression to something that felt more neutral as he pried his gaze away from Vanitas.

Kairi eventually sat down to eat. Ventus noted that she spent quite some time just picking at her food than actually eating it. Shifting awkwardly, unsure of what to say, Ventus cleared his throat. Kairi fixed him with a tired and blank stare.

"How are you holding up?..." It felt stupid to ask but it had come out before he could stop himself. Kairi just looked away. Guilt crawled up Ventus' back. A very large part of him wanted Kairi to just leave. To go. There was nothing here for her, she didn't need to hold on so tightly. He knew it wasn't so simple though, was it? Not when it was Sora they were talking about. He considered the situation at hand, silently, as he tried to formulate what to say.

"Kairi, I was thinking..." Vanitas made some sort of noise of disapproval; Kairi and Ventus both raise an eyebrow at him. He puffed up defensively, seemingly looking for a fight, but was left with nothing when the two promptly ignore him for the moment.

"About?" Her tone is controlled, forcibly pleasant. Ventus wonders if she knew it was okay to be angry, to be sad, to be anything other than _fine_. He could feel Vanitas staring at them both and for once was thankful that he didn't like to run his mouth quite so much as he used to. This would have been a prime chance for him to be a huge dick to them both.

"Taking Vanitas back with me. Well, if at least for a little bit." Kairi's brow furrowed and she went to open her mouth to say something before it snapped shut. He watched her lip tremble as she tore her gaze from him to Vanitas. He wondered if she really did still see him, when she looked at Vanitas. It wasn't like anything about his face had really changed, but it didn't take a genius to look at him and know that this wasn't Sora anymore.

Kairi's lashes fluttered as she took a stuttered inhale.

"You don't need to do that, Ventus."

"And _you_ don't need to babysit someone you don't even know." The slight flinch Kairi reacted with made Ventus sit back in his chair and look away. This shouldn't be so hard; things weren't usually so complicated though were they? They didn't usually involve dead loved ones and their bodies being walked around by strangers or enemies. Ventus tapped his fingers against his thighs.

"Let him decide then." Kairi finally says, voice tight. Vanitas grunts at being acknowledge and shifts where he sits. His fingers flex around the glass in his hands, curling as if he wanted to crush it in his grasp.

"Since... when, do I get a say." His voice isn't so hoarse, but there's an unmistakable rasp to it. A sort of drama in the way the words come out that's unmistakably Vanitas in nature.

"Since now." Ventus offers simply.

Vanitas' face twists with something unrecognizable. Ventus is slightly enraptured with watching the expression pull across Sora's face knowing that it was entirely Vanitas underneath. Kairi is looking at him now too; She's never looked so tired before.

"Ha... Playing nice... Making it seem like there's really a choice to be made. If you really gave a fuck, you'd leave me _alone_." Kairi's hand dropped to the table uncharacteristically heavy, balled into a fist.

"What? So you can waste an act of kindness from the only person who saw _anything_ worthwhile in you? So you can squander your one chance at proving yourself more than a villain-- for what? To give everyone a 'gotcha'!?" Vanitas and Ventus alike stared at Kairi dumbfounded. She stood now, chair falling as she loomed over the seated men before her. Her eyes were bright, as if backlit by violet fire, and rimmed red with oncoming tears of rage.

"You can't just _do_ this! You can't look at everything Sora has ever done for all of us, for _you_ , and say you'd rather just up and fucking die! What's the matter with you!? What's your damage?! Is what we're doing not enough for you?"

"Kairi--"

" _Shut UP, Ventus!_ " He swallowed thickly, heart pounding in his ears, and did as she told him.

"I'm tired of you acting like we're doing this for our own benefit! Like it doesn't _hurt. Every. Single. Day!_ To look at you! You better get fucking used to people 'giving a fuck', _Vanitas_ \-- because I'm not about to allow you to let Sora die in vain!"

The silence that hung in the air was like the quiet after a raging storm. Kairi's chest heaved, tears flowing freely down her face. She furiously wiped at them, as if suddenly remembering herself. Ventus felt a little sick; He knew that what had just happened was for the best. Kairi needed to allow herself to feel. To process. Even if it meant the rest of them might be caught a little uncomfortable. It needed to be directed _somewhere_ rather than left to stew inside.

"Are you done?..." Vanitas asked, though his voice lacked any of it's usual lacing of malice. Kairi shot him one more weak glare before quietly picking her chair up off the floor and taking her seat again. Ventus had to give her props for not punching Vanitas where he sat, though the guy had some pretty strong armor on at the moment.

"Yes. I'm done." Ventus licked his lips awkwardly. Vanitas and Kairi were just, staring at each other. It felt like he was intruding on something suddenly. He wished he could tell what in the world the two of them were thinking. Eventually, and surprisingly, Vanitas looked away.

He and Ventus made eye contact in that moment; it was then that Vanitas made his first decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna lie. I got side tracked with another big project I'm working on. I'm probably gonna wrap this up in the next couple chapter, if I can manage to do so, and then I advise everybody keep an eye out! 
> 
> Anyways, I wish Kairi only the best and wish she had actually stopped to process her emotions rather than throwing herself into an induced coma. And THAT'S why I make her suffer the way I do. It's helping her, I swear! 
> 
> If you liked but already left kudos, leave a comment! It helps me come up with more words which means more chapters which means more content for you to read and then leave more comments on! And you can literally talk about anything, whatever is on your mind, a comment is a comment!
> 
> Thank for reading, addio!


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